No crying in February.

For the month of February i thought it would be good idea to not to cry, 

its February 28

i did it.

Listen, i cry a lot.. i can watch a sad commercial and get super emotional, i get that lump in my throat trying not to spill this waterfall i have behind my eyes.

i think i cried so much in January and thought maybe just maybe i can get this under control,

i was in the middle of watching Doctor Who (if you follow me on social media you're probably tired of me talking about this darn show) ... i get super attached to characters, well, more like emotionally attached. and this show is more than just sci-fi and monsters, its more about.. letting go and moving on, and doing what's right for all not just for yourself, (to me), and i had many moments where i just cried and cried.... for example on the episode 'Angels take Manhattan' when Rory and Amy jumped, i lost it. AH.. BUT THEN... little bit after that when the Weeping angels took Amy and Rory after they thought they were safe... i couldn't control it.. i had a hard time calming myself down... i saw a post that said "The final moments of the Pond Family. This is the last time all four of them are together, The next time we see the Doctor, he is living on a cloud, ignoring the world, and mourning the death of his family. The next time we see River, she's a ghost in a library" (if you dont watch Doctor Who.. this wont make ANY SENSE to you, but if you have .. ohmahgawd) anyways... that's when i decided to try not to get emotional enough to cry for the month of Feb. 

i didn't know how i would emotionally react if i tried to suppress my emotions,

so every day, well... most days... OK A FEW... i took little notes on my phone on how i was feeling with the whole not crying thing... 

February 5:

'Had to stop myself from crying on 2 occasions immediately, thought why i was doing this...started to think about the tasks i had to do today'

also let me add, im the type of person who WILL cry while listening to classical music, film music/score/soundtrack....  yes, im a mess.

February 6:

'Starting to feel emotionally detached from everything, having longer and deeper thoughts and analyzing why i would cry on this certain thing, Saw the moon (New Moon) and wanted to cry, but i quickly looked away and said to myself.." it's a normal thing, a moon is just a moon.. it's always there.. nothing beautiful about it.. (lying to myself to distract my emotions)" 

February 10:

'i feel completely numb from most emotions, you know when you feel nothing and you want to shake it off because you're not feeling like yourself... i dont feel like shaking it off... im starting to accept it, a feeling of contentment.'

February 12: 

'i feel like nothing matters to me, i suppose since im trying not to be as emotional im not emotionally attached to anything at the moment'

nothing brought me joy.

February 16:

'i feel emotionally full, anything and everything is triggering tears.. joy, anger, sadness... but i haven't shed one tear.. i feel i can control it better'

February 18:

'something happened that made me cry a bit... i didn't full on cried.. my eyes welled up but caught them on a tissue, i did feel defeated though....'

February 23:

'Not gonna lie.. i miss crying.. listening to songs that makes me cry and release my emotions i have bottled up...' 

last entry..

February 28:

i realize i can control my tears... i just have to quickly distract myself... i also realized.. that what a wonderful gift is to feel.... on the first days i felt nothing... i committed myself not to feel anything at all, and i didn't like it.... it's far worse than crying... i like crying... i like feeling... 

whether if its through a song, film, books... reminds me how alive we are... how our body reacts to it... it's quite wonderful. sometimes you have to stop and think why you are feeling the way you feel and analyze that feeling... it's exhilarating.

so in conclusion.... i like crying.. and now i know how to stop when i have to or when i want to... but i dont think im going stop for a whole month again.... 

crying is ok when you are not..

crying is ok when you're happy

crying is ok when you remember

crying is ok when you love

crying is ok when you feel.

crying is ok. 

cry.

MY FIRST CROCS

So ive been bragging about these since i got them because no one likes crocs, and its funny.... i like them, they're comfortable, so for a while ive been eyeing these and wasn't sure if i wanted to spend the 50 dollars for them, but the reason i wanted them is i did not have any everyday shoes... as in when you need to do a quick errand i didn't have shoes to wear only running type shoes and dressy shoes... so i said.. whatever.. ima get them.. and i chose the platform style... at least they seem more stylish than the originals.... and i didn't know crocs had so many styles! 

These are the Crocband Platform Clog

i chose the black ones because well, black basically goes with everything.. 

 i bought some Doctor Who buttons for them (from Amazon) and they're the cutest things ever! unfortunately this pack didn't have the 12th Doctor (my favorite)
but this pack included, The 10th and 11th Doctor, a Dalek, a weeping angel and of course the star of the show and my favorite "character" the TARDIS.....

Now, when i say these are comfortable.. they are COMFORTABLE... listen, ive boughten some knock off crocs when i was younger, i found some at the drugstore for less than 10 dollars and they're were some green ones and i loved them! they were so comfy which now im thinking its probably the same thing without the logo name ... anyways.. these were a bright neon green ( they were the only ones they had and had no other color choice) and since i didn't know about the buttons back then i weaved a see through fabric on it and let me tell yah.. i looked fabulous! wore them for years and eventually my parents used them as actual garden shoes (a lot of people referred crocs as garden shoes) and at some point we wore them to death until they split open on the bottom... i was sad, because you'd only just slip them on and go and the comfort was there.... 

With these new ones im just reminded how awesome it feels to have these on my feet

they're light, comfortable, cute, you can customize them... like, how could you not?

my taste in fashion/style varies... and so i don't stick to one style and im very versatile with it... 

like i said the platform feature on these makes them more stylish, 

also want to mention .. since im pretty hefty i was quite concerned how long they'd last being unsquished and have visible creases on the white band on the back and sides but i realized that the white band around it isn't fully supporting you, the croc has a part in the bottom that fully supports you without letting the white band (platform) being squished and letting it be noticeable over time (if that makes any sense)

Here's the link for these crocs:

https://www.crocs.com/p/crocband-platform-clog/205434.html?cgid=crocband&cid=04M#q=platform&start=3

and the link for the Doctor Who Buttons:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DC8BTWP/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o03__o00_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

okay! thats it on my new crocs! there's so many styles on the website! but i think i'll stick with these right now! i absolutely love them!  in the future you will see how i style them with my clothes! 

Thanks for reading! 

Love, Carol. 

Getting back to Photography

Im not going to sit here and say im a photographer or have any photography skills,

but Photography is such a relaxing hobby i picked up a few years ago, and somehow i stopped taking pictures all together... i and think i want to get back into it! 

But i want to learn how to take portraits and try to get some photoshop skills! 

i want to add some special effects on some pictures and i think that would be rad! 

but of course for now i will take nature-y pictures as its easier.

as you see this Hummingbird, they've been visiting us quite often, so i decided to refill the water nectar for them to take, (as you can see ants love it too) and im just so stunned how they aren't afraid if you get close to them, i had time to run upstairs to get my camera, went outside but it wasn't there anymore so i decided to wait for about 4 minutes and it came back and took another drink, and i took some pictures and you know the DSLR cameras has a shutter sound and it did not frighten them at all.. one even just floated around facing me wondering what i was doing... and they kept drinking.

Typically Hummingbirds eat 5-8 times per hour since they flap their wings 80 times per second and they need to refuel often, many say Hummingbirds hardly stop flying but the ones in my backyard i always see them perched on the trees taking long rests, gives us the chance to see them up close! 

Taking pictures up-close seems quite easy, as im an amateur i dont know proper photography rules or skills but i like how some of my pictures comes out, i took this pic of my Succulent in my yard right after it rained.

i do slightly edit these pictures with the Afterlight app on my Phone, i transfer them from my camera to my phone to edited them quicker than on the computer and i love the end result, 

next thing i want to learn how to take pictures of myself, since soon i want to make fashion posts i need some pictures of me to be taken, ive tried asking family members to help me but they really dont know how to take shots like i want them to so i guess homegurl needs to learn how to pose and shoot.. WHICH also i need to learn how to pose omg im THEE least photogenic person alive... 

anyways.. sorry for this least exciting and short post, i had no time to write something else, ive been knitting like crazy and working on custom orders for my Etsy shop... but next week might make a fashion post... i dont know... i'll try... haha anyways here's some pictures ive taken ...

My Dogs are my best models

Thanks for reading 

Love, Carol.

My Journals

When you think about a perfect morning.. what do you see? how do you want to feel?

i personally see and hear lots of birds chirping, oh! and its spring, and being awakened by a ray of sunlight, basically wake up naturally, ...early. which rarely happens, but when it does... oooh i can sing with the birds.

There are many reasons why i adore Spring time... its not too cold nor too hot... and everything is so colorful! as the world is blooming, i feel so motivated and inspired, i come up with so many ideas. i do admit.. i get a writing bug.. i just want to write 24/7! so i take full advantage of that... this feeling is significantly different from other seasons in the year... i absolutely loathe summer.. im a summer baby.. born in July.. one of the warmest months of the year... i feel this sense of desperation not able to breathe. But anyways.. as we are getting ready for the new season im want to prepare myself! i got out all of my journals.. yes journals! plural... i have a few and each has its own purpose... 

The Daily Sketch Journal

My Bullet Journal

Writing Journal

Purse Journal

Bedtime Journal

Dream Journal

YES OKAY.. Call me crazy, but listen! ... listen...

i want to get in the habit of writing more, i haven't been writing as much as i used to.. and this year i need to get some stuff done for a future project.. the more you write.. well, you'll write more... 

so..

The Daily Sketch Journal: it isn't exactly writing more like drawing and i had this so why not pull it out, i cant really draw but its quite calming.. i cant do the coloring books like more adults nowadays.. makes me so anxious... i feel like im being timed.. so drawing is actually quite freeing.

My Bullet Journal: ah! the infamous bullet journal that everyone is doing these days and i totally hopped on that bandwagon.. so i never been one of those people who uses a planners or agenda but as i grew older i saw the importance of having one and also i need to be more organized... and track things down. and i like being crafty.. so a bullet journal was perfect for me.. i get to make a planner for myself and make it look how i want it to look. (This journal is the one i have to see every single day every morning and evening)

Writing Journal: now, this Journal is something i have to grab everyday and write some writing prompts.. just to get the juices flowing (omg i cant believe i just typed that.. Juices flowing?...,.. i hate it) 

Purse Journal: i absolutely love this journal! its small (i love small things)

and its for my purse, now, ive always had a little notepad or little notebooks in my purse, sometimes when i have ideas or little stories that comes flying through my head i immediately have to write it down otherwise i'll forget... its a thing ive been struggling for years.. im very forgetful so i need to write things down all the time.. (hence all the journals)

Bedtime Journal: ok so this is just your average journal/diary i write down what happened on that day just my thoughts and goals and such.. 

Dream Journal: This Journal i need to put on my bedside... this journal is for the dreams ive experienced the night before.. since ive been taking some Melatonin to sleep i have the CRAZIEST dreams in life.. and i write these down half asleep sometimes and have a good laugh later in the day... dreams are the most wonderful and scariest phenomenon a human can experience but thats a blog post for another time.

Everything has a purpose if you give it one

and also how can you resist cute journals you come across in the shop.. i have to have it.

Let me reintroduce myself, Hi, my name is Carol and this is my blog that ive used for years but haven't used it for well, for a while now... 

i have a youtube channel where i do hauls, and makeup and other type of nonsense....(may do more fashion in the future) and i want to start blogging again, i want to do fashion, writing, photography and maybe makeup and perhaps crafting.. just stuff im into! and hopefully you're into it too.. 

just so you know, im all over the place.. so you're going to see different styles

i like a little bit of everyhting...

so hi!

ehh.. i think that's it!

(i guess you'll get to know me better as time goes on.. im a big ball of an emotional mess just so you know.)

Love, Carol.

Pixar Ball INPSPIRED Makeup!

Hey everyone! today i did the Pixar Ball or Luxo ball inspired makeup! 

this color combo is very cute! i love it! 

and in celebration of Pixar Pier opening over at California Adventure, i thought this would be cute for the parks! 

its a very simple look using 4 colors! 

Products Used:

NYX Jumbo eye pencil in milk (as a primer)

Eyeshadows:

i used Bh cosmetics 120 version 1 palette for this look! 

(see video which exact colors i used)

Maybelline line Stiletto liquid eye liner in black

NYX worth the hype mascara in black

NYX soft matte lip creme in Monte Carlo

and that is all! 

Im so excited to visit California Adventure in the future! 

i will most definitely wear this look to visit Pixar Pier! 

such a fun look! 

don't forget to visit my video down below for the tutorial! 

also! i have Pixar ball inspired handmade mickey pins and necklaces! 

on my etsy!!! 

go check them out link below!!! 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/619071871/pixar-ball-inspired-necklace?ref=shop_home_active_8

https://www.etsy.com/listing/609332475/pixar-toy-story-ball-pin?ref=shop_home_active_11

Thank you so much for visiting my blog!! and checking out my video and etsy shop!! 

The Incredibles INSPIRED Makeup!

Ah! The Incredibles! one of my favorite pixar films! 

and i can't wait for The Incredibles 2 to come out in theaters!! 

and also excited for Pixar Pier at California Adventure!! ah! 

So today i did a inspired look based on their costumes and logo! 

                                 

Hope you like this look! here are the products i used:

NYX Jumbo eye pencil in milk

Bh Cosmetics 120 palette in 01

(look at video to see what colors i used)

Maybelline line Stiletto liquid eyeliner in blackest black

NYX Worth the Hype Mascara in black

NYX soft matte lip cream

Also!!!!!, i have an etsy shop where i actually made some Incredibles 2 Mickey pins! 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/609332795/the-incredibles-2-pin?ref=related-2

AND a Incredibles inspired beaded bracelet!

https://www.etsy.com/listing/612646203/the-incredibles-inspired-beaded-bracelet?ref=shop_home_active_14

Let's go and fight crime! 

Thank You for checking out my blog post! 

Thanksgiving outfit!

Welp!, i got my Thanksgiving outfit sorted out! 

and you know what! now that i look back, i don't think i ever cared what to wear for Thanksgiving until now, i mean, not that i CARE.. but i just noticed more what i wear now.. well anyways! i picked this outfit for this main reason.... STRETCHY PANTS! (because duh)

ok! so i found these CUUUTTTEEE Harry Potter Leggings from Torrid and YAH. i had to have them.. they're super cute! and for once i like the little designs on them! 

i got these in size 2 which is 18? 

im usually not a fan of gold BUUTTTT these were just too cute!! , i had this cute sweater that i got from Zara and found out they were the perfect match! 

This sweater is soooo comfy! lately ive been loving mustard yellowish colors and this is perfect! 

its so soft! im not wearing a shirt underneath so perfect to wear a bralette, which i am in the photo because im sooo done with bras..

and BOOTS! so i recently got these boots and i love them!  and for once i found some tall boots that fits me! (curse you fat calfs!)  i feel this add the "dress up" look to this outfit! i will look dressed up and yet im comfy! 

because.. i will be home all day anyways soo.... lol

im actually happy that these are comfortable to walk in, i purposely got these to wear them all the time they're in no way for going out or anything like that. 

 and for accessories im just wearing my usual rings and this cute Once Upon a Time necklace i "made" ( i just added the chain) i got from Hobby Lobby! something short since the sweater has a long V neck  

(even though i own a lot of accessories i dont really wear any of them!)

But yea! that's my planned outfit for Thanksgiving! something comfortable and STRETCHY.. lol i plan to nap a lot that day so, im ready! 

what are you wearing for this special day?